Let’s Talk Movies: Crank 2

Last Wednesday was the usual date night with the boyfriend. We were planning on getting a cheap burger dinner to eat during the movie, then go home and watch Paul Blart on the computer. Sounded like a solid plan to me.

So after I clocked out from the office (Thank God!), we went to check out the schedule. Bought food from the nearest McDonald’s, then headed back to the ticket booth for our tickets. To give something back to him after having him pay for everything on our last couple of dates, I paid for the tickets to Crank 2: High Voltage.

Now, admittedly, Obi and I haven’t seen the first Crank movie, so we didn’t really know if there were going to be any references to the first movie that we won’t be able to catch on. But we just though we’d watch it this weekend, anyway.

Back to the movie. The opening credits were hilarious. Like a video game playing in a movie screen. Haha. Looking back at the movie, it does feel like a 2-hour long video game. Haha.

I might talk too much without thinking, so I warn you: Ahead maybe some spoilers about the movie’s story, so if you haven’t seen it and plan to, stop here.

This movie was laced with too many WTF moments that I’d have to agree with what Tom Brazelton of The Theater Hopper said about the film. It should’ve been titled WTF: The Movie. Hahaha.

Let’s enumerate the weird things that’ll leave you wondering if such a thing was ever possible, shall we?

• Chev Chelios falls hundreds (if not thousands) of feet from a flying helicopter, lands on a car, and bounces off the ground, and still lives.
• A goonie actually shovels him off the ground like a gum stuck on a marble tile.
• They were planning to harvest Chev’s weiner. Is it possible to transplant a wang?
• They immediately decided Chev’s heart was the chosen one without even so much as testing for histo-compatibility.
• Chev had no scars on his body after his accident.
• And he didn’t develop muscle atrophy from being immobile and unconscious for 3 months. He was immediately able to fight upon regaining consciousness.
• When he gets juiced with really strong jolts of electricity (from a car, a electrical box, etc.) he starts running and moving superfast.
• He kept electrocuting himself without actually burning the body parts he stuck to live current.
• Strippers wore electric tape Xs over their nipples when they dance. (Like what Dolphy does when he exposes his chest in his old movies)
• Bai Ling was in the movie (that alone merited a WTF, not to mention her acting)
• Full body tourettes stop when one is fighting an enemy
• Chev and Eve (his girlfriend) were allowed to have sex on the race track and were only hosed off the track after they had finished.
• They can keep a severed head alive for more than 3 months.
• Chev Chelios’ heart is so powerful, it can make a 100-year old David Carradine act like he never got arthritis over the years (too bad it didn’t do much to make him look younger)
• In his last attempt to juice himself up with electricity, he climbed up an electrical pole (I can’t believe he was still able to find the energy to do that)
• He burned himself in that last jolt, but was still able to fight the bad guy off and kill him.
• He burned Bai Ling to death just by hugging her.
• The burning effects sucks!
• Chev was able to open his eyes even while his face was burning.

See what I mean? WTF, right?

But there again, there were more than a couple of cameos in this movie. One was Chester Bennington, to whom Chev Chelios first attempted to get static electricity from. Then there was Jenna Haze (yes, the porn star) who was spotted in the movie as one of the porn stars rallying and blocking Chev’s car. Lastly, we have Keith “The Dean of Mean” Jardine who was the person that spotted Chev charging himself from a some phone device. Haha.

Wanna hear something funny? When I checked out Crank 2’s imdb page, I saw Geri Halliwell’s name come up as Karen Chelios. I didn’t notice her in the movie. I swear.

Well, the movie ended as I had expected it. Chev Chelios… is alive.. burnt face and all. Haha.

I dunno. But I’d say, if you’re looking for a movie that combines the elements of comedy, action, and WTF, Crank 2: High Voltage is surely the movie for you.

Have you seen it? What do you think of the movie? Let’s talk.